Relationships do not scale.
This is due to several factors:
Limited Time and Energy: Individuals have limited time and energy to devote to relationships. The more relationships one has, the less time and energy they can devote to each one, potentially leading to more superficial interactions.
Dunbar’s Number: Anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposed that humans can only maintain a certain number of social relationships effectively, often cited as around 150. This limit is thought to be related to the size of our neocortex. Within this number, there are smaller, more intimate circles (e.g., 5 close friends, 15 good friends, 50 friends, and 150 meaningful contacts).
Quality vs. Quantity: Deep, meaningful relationships require ongoing effort, communication, trust-building, and emotional investment. As the number of relationships increases, it becomes more challenging to maintain this level of investment in each relationship, leading to a trade-off between quantity and quality.
Emotional Bandwidth: Each person has a limited emotional capacity or bandwidth. Juggling too many relationships can lead to emotional exhaustion, making it difficult to provide the necessary emotional support and engagement in each relationship.
Complexity and Conflict: More relationships can also mean an increase in complexity and potential for conflict. Managing diverse needs, expectations, and interpersonal dynamics across many relationships can be challenging.
Memory and Cognitive Load: Remembering personal details, histories, and dynamics of a large number of people can be cognitively taxing, potentially leading to forgetfulness or mistakes that might strain relationships.